翻译练习：怎样走出分手的阴影（二）

（接上文）

（1）爱惜自己，关注身体健康

“分手后的几个星期，我陷入了死循环。整日躺在床上，不是哭，就是浅浅地眯一会儿，醒来后接着哭，基本不吃什么东西，也不和任何人联系。此时我意识到这样透支自己的身体不过是在延长痛苦。因此我开始有意识地关注自己的健康状况，从一些小事做起，例如按时进餐、出门散散步，以及和朋友们恢复联络。我从此开始渐渐脱离泥淖。”

——阿娜尼娅·J

（2）最后和前任聊一次

“我的目的是想得到一些问题的答案，例如分手的原因、他们何时有了分手的想法、以及在交往时他们觉得我有哪些事情应该换一种做法，这让我不再疑惑，也不会自说自话。再之后，便果断分手，不再联络。”

——伊莎贝拉·A

（3）将自己的想法和感受写下来

“我开始写日记。持续性地将情感和思考诉诸文字可以排遣情绪，同时也迫使我思考自己的目标，这让我获得了更多向前看的动力。”

——丹尼尔·U

（4）找到最爱和最理解自己的人，和他们在一起

“在和前任交往时，我总是在思考‘我们’，甚至一度失去了自我。我的朋友和家人们帮我找回了自己。他们的支持让我忘记了那些不快的事情。当我特别孤独的时候，他们的陪伴和鼓励让我知道自己有所依赖。”

——泽维尔·F

（未完待续）

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（以下是原文）

We Asked 13 People What Finally Helped Them Get Over a Bad Breakup

Like most people going through a breakup, my high school self wanted nothing more than a guardian angel to tell me exactly how to get over a certain someone. Instead, I kept getting hit with well-meaning but entirely unhelpful clichés. “It’ll get better.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “Time heals all wounds.” These platitudes may hold some truth, but rarely did they make me feel any better. What did make a difference? Hearing the perspectives of friends who had walked in my very sad shoes - which reassured me that, like them, I would also be okay.

Whether you’re dealing with the end of a long-term partnership or a very real situationship, one thing is for certain: Every healing process is as unique as the person going through it, and there’s no quick fix for moving on. That said, knowing you’re not alone and hearing from other breakup survivors, can be a validating source of comfort, couples psychologist Niloo Dardashti, PhD, previously told SELF.

That’s exactly why we asked 13 people about the best thing they did (or learned) that helped them finally move on from their ex - to help you feel a little less isolated and a lot more hopeful for the future.

(1) I made a point to tend to my health.

“I saw myself go into a spiral for weeks after my breakup. I’d wake up and stay in bed all day either crying or taking short naps, barely eating, and avoiding interaction with anyone. However, I soon realized that not taking care of my body was just prolonging the recovery process. So I started being more intentional about tending to my health with the little things - like eating, going for walks, and reconnecting with friends - which helped me get out of the rut.”

- Ananya J.

(2) I had one last conversation with my ex.

“The point was to go over some final questions that I was comfortable hearing the answers to (like the reason for the breakup, how long they were feeling this way, and anything I could have done differently during our time together), so I wasn’t left wondering or coming to my own conclusions. Then, zero contact after that.”

- Isabella A.

(3) I wrote out my thoughts and feelings.

“I started keeping a journal. Consistently putting words on the page helped me process my feelings better, and it also forced me to come up with other ideas and goals for myself, which made it easier to move forward.”

- Daniel U.

(4) I surrounded myself with the people who understood and loved me most.

“In my relationship, I was so focused on the ‘we’ and ‘us’ that I sort of lost my individuality, so my friends and family helped me remember who I am. They lifted me up and took my mind off of things. When I felt really lonely, I knew I could lean on them for company and positive energy.”

- Xavier F.

(5) I found comfort in podcasters and YouTubers going through the same thing.

“I know it sounds cheesy, but hearing other people’s experiences on podcasts or YouTube helped a lot. More specifically, Anything Goes With Emma Chamberlain was my go-to: She talks about relatable everyday topics, including her personal relationships, while also explaining how she grew from her experiences and rebuilt her self-esteem.”

- Allison T.

(6) I reframed the breakup as an opportunity to nurture the other relationships in my life.

“The loss of my romantic relationship helped me realize that I wasn’t exactly prioritizing the other people in my circle, which allowed me to focus on strengthening my connections with friends and others I care about.”

- Keion W.

(7) I intentionally gave myself time to just…grieve.

“However, I made sure not to let the sadness govern my entire day. So 30 minutes of crying - then I’d say to myself, That’s it for today, and I’d move on. I also tried to occupy my time with new hobbies, like yoga, which helped me find myself (and what makes me happy) again.”

- P.K.

(8) I learned to find “closure” without them.

“Even if my ex were to tell me everything I wanted to hear, I realized that would only provide temporary comfort. At the end of the day, I was still going to be hurt regardless, and the only person who could get myself out of bed each day was me.”

- Katrina A.

(9) I wrote down a list of every red flag and bad memory.

“Then I reread it when I was missing my ex, to remind me that the relationship ended for a reason.”

- Alby S.

(10) I got back out there as soon as possible.

“I started dating shortly after my breakup, but only casually (which I communicated to my dates up front, out of respect). It served as a reminder that there are absolutely more fish in the sea and that some connections are only intended to be temporary.”

- Alexandra W.

(11) I reminded myself that healing doesn’t happen in a straight line.

“I felt reassured knowing that it’s okay (and normal) to feel totally fine one day and have a ‘setback’ a few days later. That doesn’t diminish your progress.”

- Julia F.

(12) I learned to separate my relationship from the rest of my identity.

“After my breakup, I actively took the time to unwrap my ex from who I am. Spending time with my friends and indulging in my favorite activities, like reading and exercising, helped me retain my sense of self and move on.”

- Julian S.

(13) I let myself feel the pain - and reassured myself it wouldn’t last forever.

“Even though it was really uncomfortable, I would remind myself that these negative feelings would pass with time - no matter how devastating my breakup seemed at that moment. So now I tell other people going through something similar: Don’t try to sidestep the temporary pain, sadness, or loneliness. It will only prolong your healing process.”

- Abriana S.

Editor: Jenna Ryu

Jenna Ryu is SELF's Lifestyle Writer based in New York, covering topics ranging from beauty to mental health to relationships. She previously was a Wellness Reporter at USA TODAY and received her BA in psychology and journalism at Georgetown University.