好文推荐 | 6 Hallmarks of Happiness

I’ve spent the last 20 years in the C-suite at startups, BigCos, & everything in between. I’ve observed 100’s of successful people and one thing is clear:

Most of them are unhappy.

I also noticed that the exceptions—the happy few who achieve both career success and happiness—tend to share a few hallmark traits.

I’ve talked to many of these outliers to understand what makes them tick. This thread is the results of that life-long unscientific study, colored heavily by my own beliefs.

Before we dive in, know that it’s hard to discern correlation from causation here.

Do these 6 things make you happy or are they just behaviors that happy people exhibit? Probably a little of both. Here we go(read the whole because there’s a powerful story at the end)

1. Happy people live modestly.

Our society glorifies bling—big houses, fancy cars, private jets, a baller lifestyle. The evidence is clear:

Those “hallmarks of success” aren’t hallmarks of happiness—it’s the opposite.

The happiest people—no matter how wealthy—don’t play the consumption game.

They know…Everything you own owns a piece of you. This doesn’t mean they don’t buy nice things, it just means they do it for the right reason—because it brings them true joy (not to impress others).

2. Happy people have committed long term relationships.

They tend to stay married and have intimate, life-long friendships. In the Tinder era relationships have become transactional. We chase, ignoring a hard truth—Great relationships are built, not found.

It’s hard, painful work but the reward is huge. If you doubt the link between happiness & longevity of relationships, ask a few elderly people what they treasure most.

It’s usually relationships with a partner, family, and friends that have endured for decades.

3. Happy people are fit.

Your body is your vessel for experiencing life. It’s hard to be happy if your vessel isn’t in tip-top shape. At a fundamental level fit people simply… feel better.

This should be obvious but it’s worth stating. Fit people：

Can do more physically

Are mentally sharper

Are more confident

Are more attractive

Are less depressed

Have better sexFitness

doesn’t guarantee happiness but it’s a great start.

Also, fitness goes hand & hand with being outside. Humans evolved over 300,000 years to live in harmony with nature—only recently have we retreated indoors.

If you’re not spending time outside, getting sunlight and touching, you’re fighting biology. (Hint: You won’t win.)

4. Happy people have multiple passionate pursuits.

I write a lot of about the importance of being multi-dimensional. I have yet to meet someone with a singular focus on work who was happy.

Happy people are curious, life-long learners who pursue growth in multiple ways.

Here’s the rub:

The longer you wait to build a multi-dimensional life, the harder it is to build.

A good example of this is pro athletes. Athletes who don’t prepare years in advance for life after sport tend to struggle post retirement.

But those who cultivate other interests early tend to have amazing second careers & fulfilling lives. Some would even say the best part of their life wasn’t on the field or under the bright lights.

5. Happy people help others.

And they expect nothing in return. It’s one of life’s paradoxes:

The best way to help yourself is to help others.

NOTHING is more fulfilling than doing someone a solid.

Through my career I’ve met lots narcissistic executives who won’t lift a finger to help someone unless there’s something in it for them.

They’re all miserable—they don’t realize that they’re only hurting themselves.

Life isn’t a zero sum game—by helping someone you both win!

6. Happy people say no (a lot).

They have clear priorities, set boundaries and have the discipline to stick to them. They stay in their lane, eyes on the prize.

This means saying no to many things to say yes to a few things that really matter.

Usually these priorities have to do with thinking long term instead of satisfying short term urges.

This can make happy people seem rigid in their beliefs but what they’re really doing is fiercely protecting what they’ve built.

When your bucket is full you don’t want leaks.

Lastly, a story of an encounter than changed my life:

Years ago as a young CMO I was mentored by a guy in his 60’s who had retired after 20 years as CMO of one of the largest companies in the US (an iconic brand).

I’ll call him Dave.

By financial measures Dave was wildly successful, with a net worth approaching 9 figures.

Lots of people have had big financial success but what set Dave apart was that he exemplified all of the traits above.

To the world, Dave presented as nothing special—the opposite of a “baller”.

He was humble & unassuming but also wise & confident. His priorities were crystal clear.

Dave was an enigma to me—different from almost every successful person I had met.

Dave had that elusive thing that all the ballers seek but few obtain: Happiness.

He taught me that the ultimate flex is… not to flex at all.

Because who are you flexing for? And for what purpose?

Dave minced no words in challenging my priorities and some of my specific behaviors. He made me take a hard look in the mirror and I didn’t like everything I saw.

It inspired me to make some big changes.

Maybe something in this thread will do the same for you.