先母许舍墓志 / Epitaph of My Deceased Mother, Xu She
先母姓许名舍，河南上蔡人，生于1969年06月14日，逝于2024年10月17日05:20，终年55岁。内敛善良，爱恨分明；自力更生、坚韧不拔；素爱争气、不服输；勤俭持家，贤妻良母，辛劳一生。
My late mother, whose surname was Xu and given name was She( "She" = "Giving"）, was from Shangcai, Henan Province. She was born on June 14, 1969, and passed away at 05:20 on October 17, 2024, at the age of 55. She was introverted and kind-hearted, with a clear distinction between love and hate. She was self-reliant and indomitable, always eager to strive for success and never willing to admit defeat. She was diligent and thrifty in running the household, being a virtuous wife and a loving mother, and spent her whole life toiling.
先母上有一兄，下有一妹、一弟。少时与妹、弟留守大许，操持家务，亦姐亦母。家贫，学历浅，常锄草、放羊。生产队记工分，恐闲言家无男丁，常多锄地一垄。母之父母勤劳本分，皆行孝，祖孙三代，亲情深厚。
My mother had an elder brother, a younger sister and a younger brother. When she was young, she stayed in Daxu with her sister and brother, taking care of the household chores. She was both a sister and a mother to them. Our family was poor and she had little education. She often weeded the fields and herded sheep. When working for the production team to earn work points, fearing that others would gossip about our family having no male laborers, she often hoed one more ridge of land. My mother's parents were industrious and honest, and they all practiced filial piety. The three generations of grandparents, parents and children had a deep affection for one another.
年二十，嫁赵庄，不嫌家父贫，誓言：“拉棍要饭跟着你”。父之家长赵兽韩禽包办婚姻，殴父吓母，举报至计生办，带人抄家，言胎死腹中。执刃刺父，踹墙飞砖，砸锅抢衣，毁家具，辱乡邻。韩骂街，必涕唾横流。赵兽乃卖身赌徒之后，仗势欺人。韩坟未青，赵急寻鱼水之欢，无耻告官，压榨子女，今八十有余，尚余臭乡里。
At the age of twenty, she married into Zhaozhuang. She didn't mind that my father was poor and vowed, "I will follow you even if we have to beg with a stick." My father's elders, Zhao Beast and Han Fowl, arranged the marriage. They beat my father and intimidated my mother. They reported my parents to the family planning office, led people to search our house, and claimed that the fetus had died in the womb. They stabbed my father with a knife, kicked the wall causing bricks to fly, smashed the pots, robbed the clothes, destroyed the furniture, and insulted the neighbors. When Han cursed in the street, she would always drool and spit everywhere. Zhao Beast was the descendant of a gambler who sold himself and bullied others by relying on his power. Before Han's grave grass had turned green, Zhao was eager to seek pleasure. He shamelessly sued my parents in court, oppressed his children and grandchildren. Now he is over eighty years old and still leaves a bad reputation in the neighborhood.
韩赵使家父如奴，父建党自幼做饭、烧砖盖屋、耕地开车，经年累月，骨弯腿疼。然禽兽言：“你命我给，宅地报酬悉归老子”。赶父母，占婚房，不分片瓦。父母争气，购塘填土，盖房七间为家。母好洁室净院，巧手缝补，拖把乃碎衣而成，竹席、粮袋皆缝补续用。苦中作乐，居十三年。
Han and Zhao treated my father like a slave. My father, Jiandang, had to cook, make bricks, build houses, plow the fields and drive since he was a child. After years of hard work, his bones were bent and his legs ached. However, those heartless people said, "Your life was given by me, and all the rewards for the homestead belong to me." They drove my parents away, occupied their bridal chamber, and didn't give them even a single tile. My parents were determined to succeed. They bought a pond, filled it with soil, and built seven rooms as our home. My mother liked to keep the rooms and the courtyard clean. She was skillful at sewing and mending. The mop was made of torn clothes, and the bamboo mats and grain bags were all mended and reused. Despite the hardships, she found joy in life and we lived there for thirteen years.
母生二子，废寝忘食，睡不脱衣。子营养不济，每病，母常与妹、弟抱二子踏泥寻医。我幼至太原，父收破烂，母织衣改衫，作我新衣。我厌食，母不弃，掰嘴若饲鸟，历九月，方存活。我稍长，母督学，亲纳鞋，唤“离乡”。
My mother gave birth to two sons. She was so devoted that she forgot to eat and sleep, and didn't even take off her clothes when sleeping. When the sons didn't get enough nutrition and were often ill, my mother often, together with her sister and brother, carried the two sons through the mud to seek medical help. When I was young, we went to Taiyuan. My father collected waste, and my mother knitted clothes and altered them to make new clothes for me. I was a picky eater, but my mother didn't give up on me. She fed me like feeding a bird by prying open my mouth. It took nine months for me to survive. When I grew a bit older, my mother supervised my studies and made shoes for me by hand, calling me "Leaving the Hometown".
母耕作，或锁我于家，或藏我于桥洞，嘱安全事宜。作物有小麦、玉米、大豆、土豆、李子。父常务工，留钱少许，母养鸡二十，我求学和店，归，母必烹之充我腹。父两度养猪，猪病亡，母葬之田地，无售于市。
When my mother worked in the fields, she either locked me at home or hid me in a bridge cave, and told me about safety precautions. The crops she planted included wheat, corn, soybeans, potatoes and plums. My father often worked as a migrant worker and left only a little money at home. My mother raised twenty chickens. When I studied in Hedian and came back home, my mother would definitely cook the chicken to fill my stomach. My father raised pigs twice, but some pigs died of illness. My mother buried them in the field instead of selling them in the market.
年卅六，为避赵韩，迁信阳。租房卖菜，遇洪水淹房，父叹：“地大楼高，无安身之所”。母不气馁，随父起早贪黑，同甘共苦，摆摊、赶会，行遍鄂豫皖。常与父夜宿摊位、步行带货，无论雨雪。劳苦六年，始有新居。
At the age of thirty-six, to avoid Zhao and Han, we moved to Xinyang. We rented a house and sold vegetables. Once, there was a flood that flooded our house. My father sighed, "The land is vast and the buildings are tall, but there is no place for us to settle down." My mother was not discouraged. She got up early and went to bed late with my father, sharing weal and woe. They set up stalls and went to fairs, traveling all over Hubei, Henan and Anhui provinces. They often slept at the stall at night and walked carrying goods, regardless of the rain or snow. After six years of hard work, we finally had a new home.
然母所售悉存斗室，久闻化学气体，抱恙，常有低热。看病贵，自购药，误判病，癌渐盛。加之赵兽索财，对簿公堂，气郁伤心；我离家务工，母泣言:“生计所迫，聚少离多，家不成家，孤独无趣”。遂投身市井，两度中暑。五十有三，负重谋生，终致瘤破病发。
However, all the things my mother sold were stored in a small room. After breathing in the chemical gases for a long time, she fell ill and often had a low fever. Medical treatment was expensive, so she bought medicine by herself. Due to misjudging her illness, the cancer gradually worsened. In addition, Zhao Beast demanded money and there was a lawsuit in court, which made my mother depressed and heartbroken. I left home to work, and my mother wept and said, "Forced by the livelihood, we are together less and apart more. Our home is not like a home anymore. I feel lonely and have no fun." Then she got involved in the busy urban life and suffered heatstroke twice. At the age of fifty-three, she made a living by doing heavy work, and finally the tumor burst and the disease flared up.
医信阳，蒙新冠，不得治，遂医武汉。父瞒母，谓之囊肿，母见医械，言：“勿人财两空，无所谓，我命归天”。母之亲人皆宽其心，亲驾送医，乃受手术、放化疗。伤身甚重，备受折磨。父大哭，母默泪，未尝嚎哭。意志坚强，非常人所及。然恶瘤凶顽，次年累肺，母自知不久于世，盼我速归。父不甘，欲复施放化疗。母言：“欲治死乎？身不堪罪”。
We sought medical treatment in Xinyang, but due to the COVID-19 pandemic, she couldn't get proper treatment, so we went to Wuhan for medical treatment. My father hid the truth from my mother and told her it was a cyst. When my mother saw the medical equipment, she said, "Don't let us lose both money and my life. It doesn't matter. My life is in the hands of fate." All my mother's relatives tried to comfort her. They drove her to the hospital in person, and she underwent surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy. It hurt her body seriously and she suffered a great deal. My father cried bitterly, and my mother shed silent tears, never crying out loud. Her strong will was beyond that of ordinary people. However, the malignant tumor was fierce and tenacious. The next year, her lungs were affected. My mother knew that she didn't have much time left and hoped that I could come back quickly. My father was unwilling to give up and wanted to carry out radiotherapy and chemotherapy again. My mother said, "Do you want to kill me with treatment? My body can't bear the pain."
两月四医，终告病危。箕坐遗言：“我梦雪落，病要我命。生不低头，死有何惧？天地无门，身如坐牢，生不如死。愿变香花随流水，不归乡；复劝儿勿存多金，随心吃喝，勿学我；憋喘日重，水米难进，我将死矣。若我昏死，勿再求医；我若死，亲勿哭，老母八旬，不能顾，痛矣；知己难逢，好儿温暖；彼如厕毕，我走。倒茶……喝水……不行了……不中了。”饮罢昏迷，唤不复醒，累时命终，遗血齿一。
In two months, we went to four hospitals, and finally she was in a critical condition. Sitting cross-legged, she left her last words: "I dreamed of snow falling. The disease will take my life. I never bowed my head in life, so why should I be afraid of death? There is no way out in heaven and on earth. I feel like I'm in prison. It's better to die than to live like this. I wish to turn into a fragrant flower and float away with the flowing water, and I don't want to return to my hometown. I also advise my son not to save too much money. Eat and drink as you like, and don't follow my example. My shortness of breath is getting worse day by day, and it's hard for me to eat or drink. I'm going to die. If I faint and seem to be dead, don't seek medical treatment anymore. If I die, my relatives, don't cry. My old mother is in her eighties and I can't take care of her. It's so painful. It's hard to meet a bosom friend, and my good son gives me warmth. After he finishes using the toilet, I will leave. Pour me some tea... Let me drink some water... I can't hold on anymore... It's no good." After drinking the water, she fell into a coma and didn't wake up when called. After a while, her life came to an end, leaving behind a bloody tooth.
天公落泪，亲人恸哭，焚身金山，葬丘凤凰。浴火重生，化雨润物，笑貌音容，永驻我心。
Heaven seemed to shed tears, and our relatives wept bitterly. Her body was cremated on Jinshan, and her ashes were buried in Fenghuang Hill. May she be reborn from the fire, turn into rain to nourish all things. Her smiling face and voice will always remain in my heart.
长子：赵文锦
中华人民共和国 七十五年
公元二零二四年十一月二十七日
Eldest son: Zhao Wenjin
The 75th year of the People's Republic of China
November 27, 2024
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